Subtitle: Reconciling gratitude and guilt, and the decision to not move home for at least three more years, and maybe not even then.
It is a tricky juxtaposition to have an incredible amount of gratitude for the life we are fortunate enough to live, while simultaneously feeling guilty about not being physically home, in Minnesota, whilst it is metaphorically, on fire.
It can be challenging having only one constant, Dave. We’re good, and sometimes you just need to have time away from each other. I have mentioned in previous posts that I have chats with at least one member of my circle pretty much everyday, which I’m grateful for because it helps me to feel connected, and it just isn’t the same as being in each other’s presence. What has been going on in Minnesota has made me acutely aware of how grateful I am for Dave, our relationship, and the fact that we are on the same side of history. I can’t imagine trying to navigate all of this with anyone else. The gratitude that I feel, for the privilege that comes along with the fact that we’re able to choose this life together, is not something I take for granted.
Growing up in the United States you learn very early on that the cultural norm is doing things, something, anything and doing those things is how you show success. Essentially grinding yourself to death.
Unlearning is hard, to say the least. As I’ve been trying to reconcile the guilt and the gratitude I’ve had a lot of conversations with friends and family about the feelings that are coming up, specifically around the atrocities happening in MN, and the fact that I’m not there, and what I could be doing to show my support for my community from afar.
One friend shared some incredible insight about this that aligns with my truth, and reinforces the growth that I’ve been working on for the past several years. That insight is a version of this: Give yourself what you need so that you are able to show up in your most true authentic way. Don’t allow evil to steal your joy. Give yourself the grace and space to rest so that you can be 100%. So you can be confident in your actions, words and deeds. When we stand in our truth no one can stand against us. Don’t underestimate the power of how you show up! Have the talks, donate the money, post the stories, scream, cry, laugh, and most importantly, live. The Universe doesn’t need my guilt, it needs my love and joy, and that is what I’m choosing to stand in. As Cory Allen says “the real flex is refusing to let a harsh world make you harsh too.” I need to live the words I speak because life is not binary. Multiple things can exist at the same time and that is the truth. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
I love you Minnesota and I have never been more proud to call you home! #minnesotastrong ❤️❤️❤️
P.S. We are loving our time in Auckland and I’m excited to share with you what we have been up to the past two weeks!
The is an image of our street in Auckland. It seems that so many cities that we’ve been to have a tower and it also seems like we always live either in close proximity or in view of them. 🙂 This is the Sky Tower. We moved to Auckland on a Sunday and since Dave doesn’t start work until 3am on Tuesday morning Monday is an extension of his weekend. The Monday after we arrived was Auckland Anniversary Day and at the port they had Dragon Boat Races. It was fun to experience some of the festivities while exploring Viaduct Harbor and the Wynyard Quarter. Auckland’s Viaduct Harbor has some beautiful views of the city’s skyline. Our first peak at Auckland Harbor Bridge. Harbor mural. You may recall that I love to find libraries wherever I go. The Auckland harbor has a container library. This was a first for me. Wherever we are we can always find our way home. One of the days our first week in Auckland we went to explore Auckland Domain which is a huge park in the city. These little sculptures were on the bridge near the University of Auckland. Lovers Walk, Auckland Domain. Duck pond. Wintergardens.Wintergardens. Japanese Gardens. The view from the Auckland War Memorial Museum. This Japanese Maneki-neko “lucky cat” is on Aotea Square just a couple blocks from our place. On Jan 30th they began their summer music festival. This lucky cat is for the Japanese Festival which begins on the 22nd of February. The honoring of culture and Indigenous peoples has continued in New Zealand. This sculpture is known as Waharoa which means “gateway” in Māori which is the prominent Indigenous Polynesian people of New Zealand. This is the Auckland Town Hall which is also located on Aotea Square. Another day we climbed Auckland’s highest natural point Maungawhau (Mt. Eden). Maungawhau is wāhi tapu, a sacred place of great historic and spiritual significance to Tangata Whenua, local Māori people. From around 1200 AD Maungawhau was one of the largest fortified settlements in the region and for centuries it was home to thousands of people. This is the volcanic crater. The views were incredible!You will begin to notice that you are able to see Rangitoto Island, the island in the distance, and the Hauraki Gulf, in several of my pictures taken in Auckland. Good messaging. After our climb we rewarded ourselves with a pint at Galbraith’s Alehouse.Myers Park. One of the areas that was recommended to explore was Karangahape Road or “K Road” for its vibrant, historic and eclectic vibes. We walked through Myers Park which exited into St. Kevin’s Arcade. Inside there were several restaurants, bars and shops so we enjoyed some tasty free-range chicken from Lowbrow.One of my nephews is really into vintage photography so I had to take a picture of what I thought would be his dream store. It is called Junk-tion. St. Kevin’s Arcade also had great views. And good vibes. The rest of the first week we just explored around our neighborhood and the city. This is the view from a neighborhood called Ponsonby. The harbor also has a swimming pool. Some cool skyways in the CBD. Sunday Feb 1st was the only weekend day in Auckland where Dave wasn’t on call so we decided to get out of the city and back into nature with a visit to Tiritiri Matangi Island. Tiritiri is a sanctuary and scientific reserve for native and endangered birds. We were fortunate enough to be able to join a guided tour and we learned SO much! Prior to 1971 the island was used as farm land for grazing animals. In 1971 they decided to revegetate the island and convert it into a recreation reserve and then ultimately a scientific sanctuary and community conservation project in 1982. I was surprised to learn that at the beginning of the project the people involved believed that there were no native New Zealand plants. That they just didn’t grow. So the last lighthouse keeper, Ray Walter, started collecting seeds from around the island and you could see how well the plants grew. One of the first animals that our guide pointed out was the Tuatara. They are so special because they are the only remaining species of an entire reptile order that diverged from snakes and lizards roughly 250 million years ago. Other members of this order went extinct around 60 million years ago.One of the many incredible Pōhutukawa trees on the island. I wish I could share audio with you on my blog. The chorus of cicadas that were singing in this grove was impressive to say the least. We were told that this was one of the “baby” Pōhutukawa trees. New Zealand Fantail. We learned that when ferns are ready to reproduces they have these tiny spores on the underside of their leaves. Each fern species has a different shaped spore and pattern. How cool is that?!This is the cross section of one of the tree ferns that I grew to love in Australia. It has been hollowed out by bugs and insects and the shape shows you its roots system. Cicada. This was the “grandpa” Pōhutukawa tree. It is in fact two trees estimated to be 800-1000 years old!North Island Robin also known by its Māori name toutouwai. The Rifleman is New Zealand’s smallest bird. The male Hihi, also known as the stitchbird, are rare species endemic to New Zealand. We hiked to the highest part of the island for lunch. Here is another view of Rangitoto Island. We learned that it is actually Auckland’s youngest and largest volcano at approximately 600 years old. The Tiritiri Matangi Lighthouse is the oldest continuously operating lighthouse in New Zealand, having first shone on January 1, 1865.We had a great view of the Tūī birds during lunch. This is the endangered Kōkako bird which is presumed to be extinct on the Southern Island of New Zealand. Australasian Swamphen.North Island Saddleback also known by it Māori name tīeke.More beautiful views.Wētāpunga are massive, nocturnal, arboreal insects primarily native to New Zealand’s Hauturu-o-Toi/Little Barrier Island, with recent reintroductions to Tiritiri Matangi and Motuora Islands. Since they are nocturnal it was pretty cool that we were able to see them although I felt a little bad that we were interrupting. 😉Cutie duck butts. Pāteke or Brown Teal ducks. Leaving the island there was a ray swimming in the bay. It was a beautiful day!The next day we took the ferry to Waiheke Island. Our first stop was Oneroa for breakfast at Vino Vino and then down to Oneroa Beach. Then we took the hop on hop off bus to Onetangi Beach. A massive Pōhutukawa tree on Onetangi Beach. It was fun to watch the Oyster Catchers hard at work. After we explored the beaches it was time to begin our taste voyage. Our first stop was The Heke for spirits and beer. I don’t think this would be a bad place to work, especially if this was your view!What Waiheke Island is most known for though is its vineyards and delicious red wine. They keep the netting over their grapes because the birds on the island are known for taking one bite out of each grape. This area kind of reminded me of France. The landscape was truly breathtaking. We enjoyed some snapper and red wine at Te Motu Vineyard before we went back to catch the ferry home. It was a very busy weekend and it was lovely. A couple treasures from the day. Gin from The Heke and wine from Te Motu. This past Wednesday our tour guide from Tiritiri that we befriended brought us to the West Coast for an adventure. We started out at the Waitakere Ranges. Our first stop was Karekare Falls. The view of the black sand beach of Piha. We took a hike along the cliffs to see Mercer Bay. The Silver Eye or Wax-Eye bird. Mercer Bay. After our hike we made our way down to Piha Beach. They call the rock Lion Rock because it resembles a crouching lion when viewed from the shore. The rock formations along the beach were pretty spectacular. After visiting Piha we went to the Waitakere Ranges Visitor Center. The location of the visitor center offers more beautiful views. We learned that New Zealand is part of the Polynesian Triangle which includes Hawaii and Easter Island. Even though the Polynesian people have several different dialects and come from this vast area that the triangle encompasses they are still able to understand each other when they meet. We were very grateful to our new friend for being willing to show us an area of the North Island that we would not have been able to experience otherwise. Yesterday I had my first solo exploration day in a while. I got up early and took the bus to Milford Beach to try and catch the sunrise. There wasn’t much of one with the clouds and it was still a beautiful place to explore at low tide. The sky was incredible! And look you can see Rangitoto Island! 😉Because it was low tide I was able to walk all the way from Milford Beach to Takapuna where I was planning on having breakfast. It was cool to see the lava go right into the water. My breakfast view at Takapuna Beach Cafe. After breakfast I took the bus to Fort Takapuna on my way to explore Devonport. Then I walked down Cheltenham Beach.I climbed Maungauika / North Head Historic Reserve and explored the tunnels. The sun came up and the views from North Head were beautiful!Cheltenham Beach.After North Head I walked along the port of Devonport. You can see the War Memorial Museum in Auckland Domain on the hill in this picture. Devonport is cute. I’m glad I went.I even got to visit Te Pātaka Kōrero o Te Hau Kapua, the Devonport Library. Waiting for the ferry to go back to Auckland. It was another great day that ended with 22,500 steps! Dave had a great day too! He went to a music festival and met the DJs that are part of the collective called Worship. We leave for Christchurch on Wednesday are are excited to see what the Southern Island has in store for us!
